From my experience, you know you are definitely pregnant when:

1. Your toes start to resemble mini-hot dogs.

2. You can’t remember if you went to the bathroom already, but it certainly feels like you haven’t in ages!

3. You squeal (in increasing decibels) when seeing little infant shoes and clothing.

4. You officially can’t see under your belly anymore….(so how did I know about my toes??)

5. You can’t remember if you put deodorant under both underarms!

6. Your pants don’t fully go up anymore so that they don’t even need to be unbuckled to take down or off!

7. You are shopping in the Queen Latifah section of the underclothes area in  your friendly neighborhood department store.

8. You eat all the free samples at the Ikea Restaurant while standing in line….(and) don’t see anything wrong with that….** see below for even more humiliating details for this one…

9. You figure it’s easier to just buy clothes (eyeballing the size), try them on at home instead of at the store and just return if it doesn’t fit.

10. You have to choose between chewing and breathing while eating. Or, learn to alternate…

and 10b….(bc it’s just intriguing to me) —- You struggle with getting out of the public bathroom stall for the door opens inward and you have to somehow maneuver around in that little space and suck in the belly to get around the door —- why can’t the doors swing outward?! At this point, I definitely think the possibility of banging into someone politely minding their business and washing their hands (oh! Pardon me, yes, hehe I’m pregnant and a bit absent minded right now…) is a much better option than hearing the frantic call of a pregnant lady who is somehow stuck in a stall! Isn’t there a coalition or something for this type of stuff!! Just teasing….

So my Ikea moment…..My mother in law, a couple friends and I went to Ikea to do some shopping. Obviously, we wanted a snack at the end of the day and I suggested the .99c Ice Cream. Well, it’s a Saturday morning, meaning it’s really busy and we are on line for the ice cream. Ikea has a way of putting their best snacks in a way that you can “sample” a few while you wait and you know, be tricked inspired to buy. They had these raspberry shortbread cookies, some type of organic fruit jellybeans and their baked chips….well, apparently, I’ve forgotten what “sampling” means and I just kept eating and picking at all three. I even put some of the jelly beans in my pocket for later —what nerve!!! Something inside was saying “ah, you’re pregnant, people will understand“…..So I just put a cookie in my mouth (the whole cookie, mind you…) and  was in the process of taking a bite of the next one when the cash register lady said: “I can help the next person”…which was me…so (and use your imagination here….) with cookie crumbs all around my mouth and down my shirt, I blurt out saying “3 ice creams cones please” which only results in cookie crumbs flying out of my mouth and sounding more like “shree ish cweem kahns pwees”…..sigh how humiliating! That must of been the backroom laugh at the company lunch hour!!! Hopefully, they saw my bulging belly and will be forgiving…..but the look on the girl’s face was priceless!